Build ’em up

Ooohhh daughters.

The sass. The compassion. The love. The temper. (maybe this is just mine?) The drama. The sweetness. So many adoring characteristics wrapped into such a sweet little package.

Daughters are hard man. And I’m only 6 years into this mothering a daughter scene. So many intricate workings make them who they are. And as parents, if we don’t tread lightly, we will crush parts of the machine.

About a year ago, I realized that I was killing my daughters creativity and imagination. And not in a good way. I wouldn’t let her dress herself. I wouldn’t let her do this, or do that, because I was fearful of what others may think. Then, it’s like I woke up one day and said you know what?! Those “people” can shove it. If they don’t like how she dresses, then it’s probably a good thing they aren’t the ones walking around with her wearing a skirt, a shirt that doesn’t match, knee high Hello Kitty socks, and a bandana. Right?!

Now, if she wants to wear an Elsa dress to Hobby Lobby, I ask her if I should fix her hair to look like Elsa also.

As women, we are so quick to judge and to talk down about other women.

“She should have fixed her hair.” Guess what, maybe her mom couldn’t or didn’t teach her how.

“She should not wear clothes that tight.” Guess what, maybe it’s because she just lost a baby and can’t bring herself to do anything to remedy the situation right now.

“She is beautiful. Why is she so self conscious? It’s obnoxious.” <<< maybe, just maybe, it’s because she’s been the girl above and other women have made her question everything about herself and now she doesn’t feel comfortable in her own skin.

 

LADIES! Lift each other up! A better “generation” starts with our littles. Teach them to own their insecurities. Tell them they’re beautiful. And that you love them. And that you are proud of them. And you know what happens? They lift others up too!

Every day when I drop Leah off at Girls Inc, or school, or daycare, or wherever; I tell her 3 things.

1. I love you.
2. You’re beautiful.
3. Make good choices that you’d be proud of tomorrow

Yesterday, she tells me that a friend at daycare was sad. So she talked to her about what was bothering her. And she said she remembered me in the mornings and how good that made her feel. So, she picked out 3 things about that person that she loved and told her.

1. I love your socks! I have a shirt that matches them!
2. Your hair is so pretty like that! Did your mommy help you do it?
3. You are beautiful and so kind.

Y’all, I can’t explain how proud I am when I look at my daughter. She has grown into a beautiful, carefree, charismatic, old soul. She is compassionate, she is loving, she is selfless, she love Jesus, and all her family. She cares more than any 6 year old I’ve seen. She would give the shirt off the back if a friend needed it.

While I would like to take credit for these wonderous things my minnow does, the reality is is that it takes a village. Honestly. I know it’s cliche. But, so many people take part in raising my babies. From grandparents, to teachers, to school staff, to church members; all of the above.

It’s like Leah picked her favorite qualities out of all of the people surrounding her and made them her own. I let her be her own person, I foster her creativity and all the things that make her her.

 

Thank you to our village for lifting her up and helping me raise her. She has a glorious support system and we are beyond blessed to have each one of you.

 

 

Grief and forgiveness.

I have an obsession. Bordering addiction. To books.

I used to only read love stories. But recently I just enjoy books. I picked one up at goodwill the other day because I enjoyed how the pages felt in my hands.

Little did I know, I needed this book in my life.

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed in all that is life. There is running here. Running there. Doing this. Did I forget that? And if your personality is like mine, thinking of past regrets and how I can change my life to make it better.

It can be drowning. How do we handle it? Medicine? Exercise? Faith? For me, I don’t. I just go with the flow until I have control again. But recently, I feel like it just keeps mounting.

One thing weighing heavy on my mind recently is my sisters death. It has been almost 5 years and I still haven’t come to terms with it and I could not figure out why. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve been angry. I’ve been sad. I’ve cried. I’ve “coped.” But after reading this book that landed in my life out of nowhere, I realized it is regret that has not allowed me to grieve.

I did not have the relationship with her I wished to have had. I knew nothing about her. I didn’t know what her favorite color was. I didn’t know what her favorite food was. I didn’t know if anything was troubling her. I didn’t know if there were things she had accomplished that she was proud of. I knew what family told me. We weren’t even friends on Facebook. And the reality has set in that I will never have the opportunity to learn those things from her.

And I have hated myself for it. I have made it a point to have a better relationship with my siblings while I have the opportunity. I make it a point to call and talk to them and see what is happening in their lives. I have made a vow to myself to be better.

This book made me realize that forgiveness is what will give me peace. Forgiving myself. It sounds selfish. And in some ways it most definitely is. But with the guidance of God and a nurturing church family I know all things are possible.

I had given up my hope that God will get me through this. I thought because I was at fault for not knowing those things and not making an effort, that I had not earned the right to seek forgiveness for the sin of selfishness. This book reminded me that God always forgives. And he is always there for us. No matter the circumstance.

When you reach, he will be there waiting. I have decided to reach again. I owe it to my children to show them a life led in Gods ways. To teach them what I was taught and had forgotten. To sew seeds of faith so that their roots can grow deep and strengthen with their circumstances. To remind them that God is always there. Although we sin, God is understanding and we must simply reach out and request his guidance.