My mom always said she would take 10 boys over me. They’re so much easier she says. And I can’t tell you how many other people confirmed this. Ohhh, boys are so sweet. They love their mamas. They’re strong and smart and fun.
LIES!! So many lies.
My boy, tank, will give you a run for your money. He got my anger And my husbands patience. The two together are a lethal combination.
He is strong. But uses his force during his anger outburst. He loves his mama. No doubt. But when things don’t go his way, everybody better get out of the way because that boy ain’t care who he hurt.
He is so stubborn. That boy don’t give in. Period. If he wants it, he will get it.
He wants juice, but he only wants juice in the cars sippy cup, but with the ninja turtle lid. The turtles lid doesn’t fit the cars cup. And he will throw a tantrum to the point that I promise you our neighbors hear.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment and just yell and spank and punish. In fact, tonight, he broke me. I put him in his room and shut the door and held it shut. He was on one side of the door crying and I was crying on the other side. I like to think I’m pretty tough. But, guys he broke me.
After it was all better and his puppy fixed the tantrum, I reflected. And let me say, I cried some more.
I feel awful. I yelled. And I screamed. And I lost my temper. (Which is short to begin with)
My boy currently has a broken foot. So, he can’t bathe in the bathtub. He has to bathe in the sink. That’s what started the tantrum that lasted over an hour. I wanted him to do what I wanted him to do and there was no compromise.
But guys, they’re human too! They have feelings. And so many of them. They don’t know what to do with all of them.
You have a favorite shirt. And a favorite cup. And a favorite pen. And if they are dirty, lost, don’t fit, etc. it’s frustrating. As an adult we know that we can wash them, find them, etc. but, a child, a 2 year old child, does not do the laundry. Or the dishes. Or stock the office supplies. To them, this is the end of the world.
My 2 year old doesn’t understand why he has this uncomfortable thing on his foot. And why he has to take a bath in the sink. So the only way he knows how to handle his emotion is to cry so I will hold him.
But, I failed. I didn’t hold him. I got mad. And I lost my temper. And I wasn’t there for him to teach him how to handle his anger. I fought fire with fire.
I failed my son.
He went to bed mad. I let him go to bed without saying sorry and making it ok. A stuffed dog did that. Because I was mad.
Kids pick up what we do. So much more than we could ever know. I was overwhelmed from work and gymnastics and all things life. He picked up on that. He felt it too.
I make up excuses for my feelings. And punish him for his.
It’s not fair.
But, tomorrow is a new day. And my goal is always to be a better me tomorrow than I was today. And tomorrow is no exception. Except I’m going to try extra super hard tomorrow, to be a better me.